I remember when I first lost my job. It was in the year 2011. I was with Manpower Professionals in Chandigarh. They closed down their operations, and hence I lost my job.
I came back home and sat in my balcony with a cup of tea. My husband was in office. My son was sleeping on his couch. He was one year old. I had nothing going on in my mind. No feelings. No thoughts. Noting Positive. Nothing Negative. Nothing. It was all blank.
While Sipping my tea, I felt my cheeks wet. A liquid was slowly slipping inside my nose. I sniffed. I touched my eyes. Were these tears? Why was I crying? Was there anything to cry about? I wasn’t financially stressed. My husband had a decent income. It was just the first day of me being jobless. Technically, not even the first day. I did go to the office today. And they were paying me one month’s add-on salary as well. It’s just that I didn’t have to go to the office.
But then what was it? Mind blank. No thoughts. If at this time, someone asked me, “How are you feeling?” OR “Are you OK?”. I would have said, “Ya! Ya! I am fine.” But then why were my eyes wet? Why I had a running nose? I wiped off my tears with my hands.
Suddenly all this was broken by the sound of my son crying. I got up and went inside. Following 2 hrs, I just got engrossed taking care of him. Feeding him, changing his clothes, preparing dinner, singing him his favorite rhymes. I don’t know what was all this. But for the next 2 hrs, I completely forgot that something happened today.
And now, all this was broken by a doorbell. I went and opened the door. My husband was standing there. He came in. I went to the kitchen. Made him a cup of tea. He got freshen up and played with our son for a while. I came and sat on the sofa. Sipped his tea, and his phone rang. He picked up his phone and cup of tea and went to the balcony.
I was sitting there, and again that watery substance started flowing. I was confused. But today, I know that the real reason behind those tears was
“I felt Super Ir-relevant.”
What do you think? Did I felt that way? Have you been on this roller coaster of emotions?
Did I felt Ir-Relevant?